If you've watched TV at all over the past ten years then there's a good chance that you've been exposed to the comedic works of Greg Fitzsimmons. He's been a part of VH1's popular I Love The 70's, 80's, and 90's TV shows, been featured on multiple Comedy Central Presents half hour specials, and was also a writer and producer on the Ellen DeGeneres Show. Greg will be taking his stand-up routine on tour throughout the year, so if you want to laugh, or at least have an inkling that you may want to, be sure to catch one of his shows. His upcoming performances are listed on his MySpace page at http://www.myspace.com/fitzdog, and his interview with us is below.
Q: You nabbed four Daytime Emmys as a producer and writer on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." Then you moved onto the hilarious and vastly under-rated "Chelsea Handler Show." Is it more gratifying to win big accolades in a "safer" comedic environment, or do you prefer the "lower profile" with larger comedic freedom?
GF: I don't really think about it that much. I enjoy writing the same way I enjoy doing standup. Part of the challenge is being creative and making it work no matter what the constraints. Although I did pitch a lot of AIDS jokes on Ellen that never got used. And that hurts a little.
Q: Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?
GF: You are right. Because if you steal a parking spot from a handicapped guy, it just means it will take him a little longer to get into the building. But the real crime of making a crippled person shit in their own pants goes unpunished. Makes me want to go take a dump in a handicapped parking space.
Q: We love your work on VH1's "I Love The..." shows. Do the producers pick all the subjects for you to chat about, or do you just start to "riff" and let them flesh out the clips post performance?
GF: VH1 producers are paid vast sums of money to spend their day tossing a Rubik's Cube at little known comedians and then threatening them. It is very effective. Really jars the memory.
Q: You helped create "The Gerry Red Wilson Foundation" which raises money for Spinal Meningitis. This horrible disease afflicts both your son and wife. It also tragically took the life of your friend Gerry Red Wilson. How did you summon the strength to start this organization, and where can our readers make their donations?
GF: It just happened organically. Gerry's family had a true "Irish Wake" near his home in Queens. There was an open bar and once everyone stopped crying Gerry's dad asked me to get up to a microphone and say a few words. I told some funny Gerry Red stories and then brought up Dave Attell, then Jim Breuer, then Greg Rogell and a few other good friends of Gerry's. It made us love Gerry even more and I made a promise to his family that day that we would do this every year at a comedy club (at this point we do it at Town Hall in NYC). It's always the greatest night of the year for me and others who loved and miss Gerry Red. Donations should be made in Gerry's name directly to The Meningitis Foundation of America: http://www.musa.org
Q: You hosted one of our all time favorite game shows "Idiot Savants." What would you pick as your favorite quiz show?
GF: "Deal or No Deal," because I think it really highlights the exact moment when American culture hit rock bottom. When the extent of our intellectual curiosity became guessing which of the 26 bulimic coke whores had the most cash in her brief case. I just enjoy watching fat morons from the Mid West turn down more money than they will make in their lifetime because they need MORE. We should replace the coke whores with actual starving 3rd world children and get close ups of their faces as the contestants reject enough money to feed their village for a year.
Q: Does the "Irish curse" really exist?
GF: My penis is quite large really, and that is the real curse. Especially if you are a fan of anal sex, which I am. The only curses with me were the ones coming out of the mouth of the women whose ass I was trying to stuff my HUGE cock in.
Q: Recently you sold 6 episodes of a Celeb-Reality show to TV Land called "The Real Love Boat." Can you give us some scoop on this project?
GF: I get CCd on the emails, but other than that I am not very involved. Should be a big hit.
Q: Are the "Good things that come to those who wait" just the leftovers from the people that got there first?
GF: I wouldn't know. I usually get their first. I can't stand laid back people. I don't trust them. They are judgmental posers who don't have the balls to go do something. And I'm not lumping in the drunks and lazy fucks who I respect because they at least stand for something. I mean the guy you get introduced to who stands back and just smiles and makes warm eye contact. Who never states an opinion or loses his temper. Fuck that guy. He shouldn't even get my scraps. He's a corpse and he lives in LA and he makes decisions which dictate how programming is done in Hollywood.
Q: Where can we catch more of you in 2007?
GF: I've got a lot of club dates this Spring and otherwise I'll be trying to hang out with my wife and 2 kids here in Venice Beach. My life is pretty great right now and I want to be around to enjoy it until someone dies or gets cancer or I have a heart attack or there is another terrorist attack. Then it will all change and I'll think back to this time and wonder why I didn't enjoy it more.
Q: Let's end with word association. We say wombat and you say...
GF: Refer back to question 9 if you're wondering why I leave this stupid waste of time question blank.