There are many important things to remember when you encounter a bear, but the first thing to remember is not to panic. We're not 100% sure, but we're pretty sure panicking will only make you look tastier to the bear. Secondly, verify if the bear looks hungry. Is there saliva on the corners of the bear's mouth? Do you hear a loud rumbling from the belly of the bear? Whatever you do, do not approach the bear to find out if he's hungry. Try to determine his appetite level from a safe distance of at least 20 to 25 feet.

Now, since you are trying to escape from being eaten by a bear, we're going to assume for most of this article that you have discovered that the bear is hungry. Again, do not panic! It's okay for a bear to be hungry and it doesn't necessarily mean that he's going to eat you. Think back to all of the times that you have been hungry; did you eat a person? Probably, and hopefully, not. The first trick to avoid from being eaten is to act crazy. Hit yourself on the forehead with a rock. Yell out loud about the voices in your head. Run in a circle. All of these are crazy actions that just may save your life. I'm sure some of you may be skeptical on how acting crazy could save you. Remember, the bear is just another carnivore, as are humans. Would you want to eat a crazy chicken? Or a crazy cow (or, as we call them, a "mad" cow)? Of course you wouldn't! Bears are no different.

So let's say that you've acted crazy and the bear is still hanging around; what else can you do? If you have a bottle of honey with you sprinkle a little bit of it on the ground (so the bear gets the scent) and then throw the bottle as far away from you as possible. It's important to note that you should throw the bottle in the opposite direction of where you will be running. It would defeat your intentions to throw it, run away, and then discover that the bear is right in front of you again because you threw the bottle in the wrong direction. If you don't have honey, you can throw other food related items as well, but you may not have as much success. We have discovered that throwing Teddy Grahams will not work. Even though they are tasty, they are shaped like bears which would mean the bear that you encountered would need to be cannibalistic. Sure, it's not the same as eating a real bear, but most bears don't know this. Besides, would you eat a graham cracker shaped like a human? Most likely not.

While the tips above will work with roughly 95% of the bear population, there is still a chance that even after taking the steps above that a bear will still be in your presence (and most likely within 10 feet, now that you've consumed a bunch of time trying to distract him). Fear not, there is one last step that is likely to work with the remaining 5% (at least, we believe so, it's hard to tell if the people that were killed by a bear attack followed this last step or not). If the bear is still hanging around that can only mean one thing: he's lonely. If he wanted to be alone he could easily scamper away, but since he hasn't we know that he's desperately seeking your attention. This information will prove crucial in saving your life. Sure, you could try to run away still, but the bear will most likely be angered that you won't spend time with him and chase you down and kill you. That's obviously not what we're going for here. Instead, slowly walk toward the bear with your arms lifted out by your sides. Once you get within a couple feet of the bear, reach out and embrace him. That's right, you're now giving a "bear hug" to an actual real-life bear. Where else do you think this saying came from? The Cherokee used to refer to this action as "yo-nv gv-ge-yu-i" which loosely translated means "bear love." Upon the completion of your hug you should slowly turn and walk away. After walking 15-20 feet, give a glance back toward the bear, and then continue on your way. This will appease the bear and let him know that you regret that you have to leave.

Following these tips you will have saved your life, and also wound up with an interesting story to tell friends at a party. While you will most likely be thrilled to have survived the bear attack, you may be left wondering what happened to the bear after your tender hug. Our research shows that he most likely scampered back to his bear friends and bragged to them on how he just got to 2nd base with a human (bears use different "base" terminology for relationships, and in fact have 9 in all).