Dearest Go Daddy,
Where should I begin? I love your services, trust me, I do. But I'm beginning to feel a bit smothered by your constant attention mongering. I get it, you're a bit insecure, but who isn't? Your daily e-mails that beg me to come over started out as cute, and maybe even a bit flattering, but I feel that we've grown apart over time. Don't get me wrong, it's not you, it's me. Well, maybe it is partially you. I mean, you're practically throwing yourself at me and prostituting yourself in the process. Your "20% off limited time offer" has even recently changed to 25%. When you first said that you would make yourself available for a limited time, in such a seductive way, I took advantage. Who could resist such an offer? But since when did "limited time" become every day and any time? I'm afraid your mixed signals and mind games have become too much for me to handle.
Please know that I still love you, I'm just not in love with you. I will always think fondly of you when I see your commercials flash across my television screen, but each time you flaunt your breasts in front of me I'll look away - not happy, but saddened. You're beautiful as you are, why do you feel the need to make every man lust after you? Let's be honest, you'll continue to age, and eventually you'll fade into the sunset. Your Aunt, Napster, got older and eventually lost her beauty; and worse, is now a modern-day cougar. And, if you recall, I had a similar relationship with your cousin, AOL, who also sent me package after package, even after I had called it quits with her. There comes a time where desperation just isn't flattering anymore.
I truly hope that you find what you're looking for, and attain that happiness that we all seek. It's not easy out there, and no one could ever fully take your place. Sure, there will be others that come my way, but none as seductive as you. I hate to think of how I will have to break up with Twitter one day, but maybe it'll be easier with her. Her 140 character limit will hopefully reduce the pain that comes in writing such a letter. Please know that no matter what your friends may say, or what you may now think of me, we will always have a special bond named WWW that will always remain. Take care, and keep on clickin'.