When last we left off, dear readers, we were discussing how to entertain in your home, which is all well and good, but what about what to do when you're not busy being the host and you're actually making conversation with your lady friend? Gentlemen, this is really what it's all about. You can have all the fantastic hair, sparkling teeth, be the host with the most and exercise all the good fashion sense in the world, but if you can't connect with another person on an intellectual level, you're done. That is, unless you have $5 billion in the bank. Then you can be a complete imbecile and still manage to attract a lady or two. I won't comment on the quality of the lady because that's a whole other article! I digress.

While dating men, I've found that the men that didn't get a second date usually made one of two mistakes. The first mistake is to try too hard. The guy that comes with flowers and chocolates and love poems never gets the second date. Don't overdo it! Especially on the first date! The flowers and chocolates and love poems are for when she's already madly in love with you. These are not the tools by which to woo, though movies and television would have you think otherwise. It's just too much, too soon, to be bearing gifts and it makes you look desperate. Desperate is not good. Desperate is bad. Desperate is romantic death. So even if you're really, really, really, really into this girl, do not under any circumstances write her anything romantic or bring her any gifts, especially cliché gifts like candy and roses. Play it cool, do nothing extraordinary for her and give her the chance to warm to you. I'm not saying you have to be cold with her, no. But a warm smile, a touch on the arm, friendly eye contact... that's what will draw a girl into you.

Another symptom of a guy who tries too hard is when he seems to have come on the date armed with a list of jokes. Said jokes will make a girl long for some duct tape to put over his mouth. When asked what a girl is looking for in a man, I know you've heard most often that women want a man who can make them laugh. But what we really mean is someone who can organically make us laugh. No one wants to date a stand-up comedian when he's working. The idea is to see the funny side of predicaments, not tell endless jokes you've read in some book or an email from a coworker. The real allure of a man who makes us laugh is that he has a good sense of humor about life and the things that can go wrong because that's the kind of guy you want to have by your side when the ____ hits the fan. Having a sense of humor about life shows that you're bright minded and involved in what's going on around you, that you see things in a positive light and you can roll with the punches, so to speak - all very attractive attributes for any person. So sure, tell a joke or two on the date, if you like. Just don't bring your Big Book of Jokes along with you.

The second mistake many men make is not listening. You should aim to listen more than you talk when you're on a date with a girl. She's interested in hearing about you, yes, and she will probably ask you questions to which you should of course respond with honest and upbeat answers on the first date. You need to also ask her questions and this is where the hard part comes in. You must listen to what she says in response so that you can ask follow-up questions that relate to the information she has just given you about herself.

For example, if you ask, "so what do you do for a living?" and she says she manages a team of paleontologists, there are many questions you could ask about that. Examples would be: how did you get into that field, what is a typical day at work like for you, do you get along with your coworkers, did you go to school for that career, et cetera, et cetera and so on. It's key to listen as she responds to your question because her answers will be filled with information about what kind of person she is, what her aspirations are, where her passions lie and this is the sole purpose of dating - to get to know someone new. Treat it like a personal interview by someone like Barbara Walters where you ask questions that require more than just a yes or no; questions that require a person to reveal a little more of their inner self than they might have on their own.

Whether or not the date works out for you romantically is yet to be seen, but getting to know someone is the first step toward a meaningful relationship and listening is the key. Don't worry about what you're going to say about yourself. In fact, don't worry about your own agenda at all. Surely if she asks a question of you, you can answer honestly enough without too much preparation. So your preparation for the date should be focused on her and how you're going to go about learning more about her.

Oh, but I have one more preparation for a date which you might want to consider! Just as a backup, I think it's a good idea to read through some current news headlines and popular topics that you might find on MSN or in the New York Times before you go on a date. Find at least three items in the news of which you believe you have enough knowledge to hold your own in a conversation. That way, if you're having a difficult time getting a girl to open up about herself personally you could always ask her opinion on some of the more popular topics. Just use this as a backup if there is a prolonged lull in the conversation and you just can't think of a single other question to ask of her. Sometimes this can save a date that's gone sour by getting you both talking again!

So let's go back over these tips. Women love when a man has a sense of humor but is not a walking, talking humorous email from the office serial email forwarder. Women are not impressed by an over-the-top display of gift-giving or poem writing as desperation is to be pitied, not admired. Most importantly, however, women love it when men listen and really show their interest by asking thoughtful questions of their date.

The best part about really listening to your date is that she has probably revealed some of her likes and dislikes while you were talking with her. Why not demonstrate that you were really listening by catering the next date to reflect what you have learned about her? Did she mention a movie she really wants to see? Suggest going to see it. Maybe she loves a particular band and you think you know another band that she would love just as much. In this case, you might casually make her a CD with a few songs you think she might like. Does she have a well-loved pet at home that might like some special toy or treat that you know of? That's something casual and thoughtful that you can do for her. As long as you don't spend more than five or ten dollars, these little actions really show that you were listening, that you considered her feelings and that you want to participate in her life. Of course, don't go overboard! Small gestures will do wonders for winning her over.

I can't stress enough, if you're unsure and think your idea for the next date might be too grand or might scare her off, I'm a big proponent of asking the opinion of others. Don't be afraid to ask a trusted friend, especially another girl, what she thinks of your plan! If you do well on date one and two, you're almost sure to move forward to date three, so good luck!