1) That time clock is racist!

2) It took forever to bury that hooker's body.

3) My crack dealer was running a little behind schedule.

4) I had to scrape some elderly person off the bottom of my bumper.

5) My dog ate my motivation to show up to this soul-sucking excuse for a paycheck.

6) Traffic was bad so I decided to moonwalk into work.

7) Apparently there's not a "drive through" at the abortion clinic.