1) Scenario: He's struggling to lift/carry a heavy object.

The lie: "It's not heavy, just awkward to grip."

What he's really thinking: Oh, Lord! This is MUCH heavier than I thought. Whoa! I CANNOT, under any circumstances, let her think I'm not totally strong and manly. I have to make something up.

2) Scenario: You invite him to join you at the sports bar for the big game and maybe a few drinks.

The lie: "(yawn) I didn't sleep well last night. I think I'm gonna head to bed early.

What he's really thinking: Dude, there's no way I'm going out because I'm flat broke and I'm only 130 experience points away from leveling up on Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Plus the season finale of Gossip Girl is on tonight and I um, appreciate the character development... and stuff.

3) Scenario: After a heated exchange during a game of pickup hoops, he nearly has to be separated from another player after they start jawing with each other.

The lie: "If that guy says something again, I'm going to kick his ass!"

What he's really thinking: Wow, I came really close to getting my ass kicked! Thank God they separated us. I had no idea that he'd really step up like that. Damn, if I was really going to fight him, I would have done it and not just threatened to do it. Maybe if I give him a fist bump later everything will be cool.

4) Scenario: He's carefully explaining to his fiancée that there will be no strippers at his upcoming bachelor party.

The lie: "Oh no! That's so lame and disgusting, hun. The last thing I want is some skank grinding on me. I think the boys plan to have a few drinks and call it a night."

What he's really thinking: Nice, she bought that! Man, I'm good. Alright, think dude, think! Do NOT make any of the mistakes those douchebags make on TV.

Change of shirt and pants? Check.

Fake rundown of the night (down to every last damn second) rehearsed with the fellas? Check.

Axe Body spray? Check!

5) Scenario: He's talking to his pregnant wife who's due in one short month.

The lie: "Honey, if anything, you've gotten sexier since you've become pregnant."

What he's really thinking: Well hey, the boobs have gotten bigger, but those cankles make me want to hurl. Man, I hope she can spring back into shape after she craps this kid out. Hmm, I wonder if we can afford vaginal reconstructive surgery?

6) Scenario: His girl just made him a nice home-cooked meal that's unfortunately not very palatable.

The lie: "Oh, babe. You've outdone yourself. This is awesome!"

What he's really thinking: Well, this is crap, but it certainly does outdo anything I can make. Hell, I overcooked that Hot Pocket last night. I wonder if I can sneak out later to Burger King without her noticing?

7) Scenario: He's talking to his friends after a hair replacement ad plays on TV.

The lie: "Dude, I'm never gonna get some ridiculous looking rug like that! I'll shave my dome before I put "road kill" on my skull."

What he's really thinking: Wig, no. Hair plugs, yes. I mean, I think those things work. Shoot, buying all of this Rogaine is getting expensive, but I refuse to wind up looking like my Dad.