1) The Lakers thought they were getting Dwight Howard but instead they got Dwight Schrute from The Office. He's good at growing beets, but bad at posting up opposing players.
2) Steve Nash cut his hair, which was obviously the source of his sleek passing, mad dribbling, and alley-oopness.
3) Kobe Bryant is becoming more like American kobe beef. He looks and smells like the real deal, but he's not as enjoyable when all is said and done.
4) Call it the curse of Phil Jackson. Every sport has their cursed teams. Baseball had the Red Sox and still has the Chicago Cubs. Football has the Arizona Cardinals (and Atlanta Falcons?). The NBA now has the Los Angeles Lakers due to them turning Phil Jackson away at the beginning of the season and instead going with Mike D'Antoni (because he did sooo well in New York).
5) They don't know when the season began or will begin. Repeatedly they have said that their season starts "now." Someone get them one of those souvenir schedules from the gas station so they know when their season actually will begin (hopefully before the season ends).
6) The team spends most of their day trying to figure out what the name "Metta World Peace" means instead of practicing. Dwight Howard got so upset that his guess was wrong (it's not a play on the common phrase Jetta Gold Peas) that he threw Steve Nash through a backboard, which resulted in Dwight hurting his shoulder and Nash cheating on his wife (or so the rumor mill says).
7) They're sick of sharing a court with the "lowly" Clippers and are hoping to play bad enough to be able to move to another city (they stole the idea from the awesome movie Major League). Seattle was their first choice, but with Sacramento moving there they may have to move to Sacramento or Oakland instead.