1) You got his elves to form a labor union and now they're hell-bent on minimum wage and one coffee break for every toy they build.

2) You promised him you'd pimp out his sleigh with hydraulics and a kicking sound system, but then you got distracted by the whole "Health Care Reform" debate.

3) He fell for the fake eviction notice you put on his door at the North Pole.

4) When he fell asleep last night, you snuck into his bedroom and shaved his beard off.

5) Yesterday you replaced all of his toys with Snuggies.

6) You informed every child that from now on, Santa prefers peanut-butter and mayonnaise sandwiches over milk and cookies.

7) You've been pulling a "Tiger Woods" with Mrs. Claus.