1) A pink thong would require shaving places you're simply not willing to go.

2) You haven't been an XS since 3rd grade.

3) Jonas Bros. Box Set? I need a reason? Hell, I don't even need a refund, just take it!!!

4) You've been caught far too many times regifting everything anyone gives you.

5) You can't remember which was from your wife and which was from your mistress.

6) What are you supposed to do with ten copies of "A**hole No More!: A Self-Help Guide for Recovering Assholes and Their Victims"?

7) You already have a ball gag in that color.