1) I'm afraid that you will start to call me "daddy."

2) I can't risk getting another STD.

3) Because there's a difference between "phat" and just plain ol' "fat."

4) I don't have $50 to spend.

5) Because charity should be tax deductible.

6) I like my women to have at least five teeth.

7) I like women to have less facial hair than I do.