1) It would allow you to finally reenact all your favorite movies, such as Curious George and Pirates of the Caribbean.

2) It'd finally give you a valid explanation for why your hand is sore from spanking your monkey.

3) You could finally have an excuse when people ask you why you never eat bananas (because it's a pretty common question in society).

4) You could train it to fling poo at your boss in case you ever get a pink slip.

5) It would make you feel better about your compulsive singing of Monkees songs.

6) You would finally be able to introduce your brother as a monkey's uncle.

7) You could teach yourself self-defense by learning how to go ape sh** on someone.