1) Amy Winehouse is forced to go to rehab.

2) It is discovered that Keith Olbermann hates George Bush more than he hates Osama Bin Laden.

3) Terrorists can't hijack another plane, because they can't afford the increased airfare costs caused by the increase in fuel costs.

4) The Cubs win the World Series.

5) Guns N' Roses releases their 14 year in the making album "Chinese Democracy."

6) McDonald's introduces a new Double Cheeseburger that doesn't taste like crap.

7) Roger Clemens finally admits that he used steroids.