1) Every time you ask a question, he pauses and says, "Let me check for that answer on WebMD."

2) Even though you're there for flu-like symptoms, he rips off your clothes and demands a thorough rectal exam.

3) You tell him that you've been having severe migraine headaches, and he says "Oh, boo-fucking-hoo."

4) When you tell him about the recent heartburn you've been having, he barks out "Yep, sounds like you definitely have AIDS."

5) When you sheepishly ask about some erectile dysfunction pills, he advises that cheating on your wife with a "hot-ass sorority chick," would solve the issue.

6) You ask about medication for anti-anxiety, and he offers you a hit off of his crack pipe.

7) When you ask about medication for weight loss, he suggests to "Go with the anorexia route. You'll get quicker results."