1) He quotes the famous college adage "Ds get degrees," but he's referring to your bra size and not your GPA.

2) He barks out that in his classroom, the only thing that he passes are his painful kidney stones.

3) He thinks a syllabus is the name of the bus that drives mentally challenged children to school.

4) Whenever you raise your hand to ask a question, he races over and slaps you hard in the face.

5) He insists on being referred to as "Professor Puffy Pants."

6) When you ask how many degrees he has, he sighs and wistfully offers "A hell of a lot more if I didn't get stuck on that island for 10 years with Gilligan."

7) He winks and tells you that your final exam will be "Given orally... under his desk."