1) He advises you to invest in hard assets, such as Snuggies.

2) He tells you that it'd be easier on him if you stopped paying him in cash and started paying him in cocaine.

3) He gives you an IOU with your yearly financial statement.

4) He informs you that he's invested all of your money with a Nigerian man that will pay huge dividends.

5) When you ask for a financial statement he replies with "A statement? Everything looks good, that's my statement."

6) He invests all of your money in used Dell computers because "technology companies are the place to invest."

7) He mentions that his two most trusted advisors are Miss Cleo and his pet goat Ralphie.