1) You think BMI is the new crime drama on CBS.

2) Hometown Buffet lists you as a "known terrorist."

3) Last night you gave a back alley BJ for a chunk of fudge.

4) Fisherman keep throwing harpoons at you.

5) You're a contestant on ABC's More to Love.

6) When you attempted to take a pony ride at the State Fair, the wrangler told you the pony is forgoing "suicide missions."

7) You're eating while reading this list.