1) ... And that's how your wife's ring got stock in my colon.

2) I drank a bit too much and, long story short, you should probably replace your mattress.

3) Your sister is smokin' hot.

4) I'm pretty sure I used to play basketball with your girlfriend in junior high, but she was a dude back then.

5) I don't want to alarm you, but do you own a toilet plunger?

6) I had an extra ticket for the Super Bowl and totally forgot to invite you.

7) I can't take a dump unless someone is holding my hand.