1) "In a stunning, yet ever-growing trend, 1 out of every 7 Americans is an unbearable douchebag." - Brian Williams

2) "Wanna know a great way to get out of having your wife bitch at you about your extramarital affair? Drive head-first into a tree and pretend to pass out. Works every time!" - Tiger Woods

3) "I wish I were more masculine." - Adam Lambert

4) "Dude, I'm headed to Hooters for the hot wings and Bud Light special and I ain't coming back until I'm hammered." - Pope John Paul

5) "I want to be known for substance, not some gimmicky crap." - Lady Gaga

6) "Thank God I'll have my brains to fall back on when my beauty fades." -
Kim Kardashian

7) "Note to self: This whole "being a Governor shit," is much harder than pretending to be a cyborg." - Arnold Schwarzenegger