1) I base my affection solely on your salary.

2) I've come to accept anal warts as a natural part of my life.

3) Anything less than a 10-inch dick seems pitifully small to me.

4) I've never been much of the "marrying type." The "having way too many kids out of wedlock" type, yes, but not marrying.

5) I'm not looking to rush things, but I would fully expect a ring by next week.

6) It probably would be best if you don't Google search my name and "Freaky pony show," together.

7) I've been told that when it comes to being intimate with me, it's like "throwing a hot dog down a hallway."