1) "I think I slept with your mom last week, what's her name again?"

2) "I had a big bowl of chili earlier, so if you smell some gas it's probably me. Sorry."

3) "Would you mind looking at the rash on my buttocks and telling me what you think?"

4) "Yeah, I was just diagnosed with a highly infectious disease that they're pretty sure there's no cure for."

5) "Boy is it nice to be out of prison. It's my first day out and I'm ready to parrrr-tyyy."

6) "You'd be amazed how many days in a row you can get by wearing the same pair of underwear; I'm currently on day thirty."

7) "I'm sorry if my hands are a bit sticky, it's because of this stupid anal wart medication that I've been using."