1) Take it for a cleaning through a car wash.

2) Chase midgets ("little people") and slap them on the head when you inevitably catch up with them.

3) Wear a Speedo and nothing else (in fact, never wear a Speedo, ever).

4) Force another bicycle rider off the road because they failed to use the proper turn signals.

5) Wear Harley Davidson biker gear.

6) Flip off an officer as you pedal by.

7) Anything that involves you saying, "Make sure to record this so that I can make it on America's Funniest Home Videos."