1) Throw away your Porky Pig video collection.

2) Stay at least 100 feet away from police officers.

3) No matter how tempting, do not screw any pigs.

4) Order the French Toast Slam at Denny's instead of Moons Over My Hammy.

5) Even if Deliverance is your favorite movie, do not squeal like a pig.

6) For the time being, avoid soccer star Mia Hamm at all costs.

7) If anyone puts bacon on your plate, throw it in their face and run away as quickly as possible.