1) You take her on a date with your parents.

2) You give her the card she gave you the year previous and write "ditto" under her message.

3) You tell her that you went to a strip club earlier and are ready to "give her good lovin' now."

4) Your idea for a romantic evening involves dinner at a restaurant that accepts coupons (which you bring along), a box of wine at home, and Korn playing on the stereo.

5) You give her peace lilies instead of roses because you went shopping for flowers too late.

6) On the flower arrangement card you use a combination of the words "you're so hot" and "let's get it on."

7) You inform her that the diamond earrings you bought her are the same kind you bought for your ex-girlfriend.