1) Free tar balls with every walk on the beach.

2) Beach chairs come with complimentary hazmat suit--SPF 100!.

3) The fish come pre-blackened.

4) Nowhere else can you order shrimp and crab with Gulf Coast Petroleum Sauce.

5) See native birds and sea creatures up close and personal--they can't get away!

6) Have you seen the rates for Louisiana Gulf Coast resorts? Book 'em, Danno!

7) Muck boots and waders are SO in this year!