1) It's not cheating if it's with your wife's twin.

2) It's not cheating if you can't remember her name afterward.

3) It's not cheating if it's with your sister.

4) It's not cheating if one of your "multiple personalities" caused you to do it.

5) It's not cheating if you have no choice because your wife is out of town.

6) It's not cheating if it's done in a motel.

7) It's not cheating if it's a matter of national security.