1) If it's with Tiger Woods. Because ball washing is encouraged on the greens.

2) If it's in outer space. Because then it's just "Man-Dancing with the Stars."

3) If it's at IHOP. Because they demand you to be fresh ‘n fruity.

4) If it's a fraternity house. Because there it's always bros before hoes.

5) If you discuss football at any time during the event. Because then it's a different kind of "male bonding."

6) If you can get the Delorean up to 88 miles per hour, head back in time and then make yourself not do it... after you did it.

7) If it's done at the speed of light. Einstein clearly states the gayness doesn't exist in a "curved space-time continuum." No really, he did. Um, Wikipedia it.